According to Kate Miller, anger is a natural part of human condition, but it isn't always easy to handle anger. When people don't handle it well the harm it cause can be visible and invisible.
Some people mask their anger, others explode with rage. Because anger is a chronic condition a habit of resentment surfaces over and over again. This is very interesting says Miller, she went on to identify ten styles of anger and how the condition affects human behavior. There is what she called anger avoidance, sneaky anger, paranoid anger, sudden anger, shame-based anger, deliberate anger, addictive anger, habitual anger, moral anger, and hate anger. All affects the way we live and relate to others.
Any of these styles can also be visibly or invisibly harmful to the way make decision. Lets take a look @ hate anger and shame-based anger for instance. HATE is a hardened anger. It is a nasty anger style that happens when someone decides that at least one other person is totally evil or bad. Forgiving the other person seems impossible. Instead, the hater vows to despise the offender. Sometimes Hate starts with envy--jealousy and then gradually moves to anger. If, doesn't get resolved it becomes resentment and then a true hatred that can go on indefinitely.
Haters often think about the ways they can punish the offender and they sometimes act on those ideas. These people (the haters) feel they are innocent victims. They create a world of enemies to fight and attack them with vigor and enthusiasm. Haters can't let go or get on with life. They are often bitter, not content, frustrated and their lives become mean---small and narrow. CHANGE YOUR WAYS !
The Shame-Based anger group are people who need a lot of attention or very sensitive to criticism. They sometimes exhibits grandiose characteristics because of oversensitivity and poor self-image. The slightest criticism sets off their own shame. They lack leadership skills and cannot survive in a democratic system. Unfortunately, they don't like themselves very much either. So, when someone ignores them, disagrees with them or say something negative about them, they take it as proof that the other person dislikes them as much as they dislike themselves. That makes them really angry and wants to lash out. They avenge with rage "You made me awful, I'm going to hurt you back." These people get rid of their shame by blaming, criticizing, and ridiculing others. Their anger helps them get revenge against anybody they think shamed them. They avoid their own feelings of inadequacies by shaming others (sound familiar...?). They usually end up attacking people they love as well as close associates. So my friend, PLEASE CHANGE YOUR WAYS! YES YOU!
Dr. Fenibo Braide, Psychotherapist / Consultant
Former IFSI Clinical Administrator and Lead Clinician
Posted on the web: June 6, 2011
