Causation and Anger Management
It is critical that one understand the causation and how to manage anger and explosive behavior. I believe that anger is caused by frustration of ones desires and ego. Managing anger must be done at two levels: (1) the behavioral and (2) the psychoanalytic level.
At the behavioral level, if someone is angry, one does whatever one could to calm down, including walking away from the arousing stimulus, taking deep breaths, visualizing pleasant scenes and counting one to twenty etc. The psychoanalytic level includes ones ability to recognize what triggers ones anger. The problem is when someone is angry a certain neurochemicals aroused to cloud ones judgment. People tend to think and act irrationally when they are angry; therefore, it is necessary to calm down and let those neurotransmitters, such as acetylcholine and noradrenalin, return to their respective neuro-receptors in the brain before one talks or does anything.
When angry one is bound to act violently; this is due to the elicited chemical in the brain. If one does not want to act violently one must do whatever that calms one down before does any thing. Not saying anything when you are angry is probably the best anger management technique. If one talked while angry one is bound to berate the other person. Sometimes to walk away during a heated argument is not the best solution either. At the psychoanalytic level one must recognize that it is not the external environment alone that makes one angry but also how we process stimuli from the environment. Albert Ellis, in his Cognitive Behavior Therapy, says that it is not what happens out there in the environment that makes one angry, sad or anxious but how one thinks about it. In effect, it is ones thinking, ones cognition that plays a major role in ones behavior. One must, therefore, change ones thinking and habitual behavior patterns: Stop! Listen!! Think!!!...before you Act.
Anger also has to do with environmental factors and disappointments. When one understand that ones big ego / self concept plays a role in ones anger; then one can choose to do something about it. Denial of what is reality is not the same thing as dealing with reality. On the other hand, some folks think that they do not have anger problem – that is a denial. My job as a psychotherapist is to coach not to employ the ego defense mechanism of denial to delude ourselves into thinking that we are perfect, rather, to see ourselves as we are imperfect, and do something about our imperfections, and make changes where possible and live with what can and what cannot be change. Science does not indulge in denial; instead, it studies Reality as it is and devices a technology to adapt to it. In this case science studies the human psyche (mind), understands its propensity to upsets and devices a tool to deal with those upsets.
No one is perfect, I am easily lost and frustrated when something is displaced (my wife knows that). All my life if another person kept me waiting, I do not care who that person is, be it The Director General of the United Nations, I felt angry and feel like asking him or her "who the hell you think you are" for keeping me waiting. Notwithstanding, I consider myself lucky for my beautiful wife Christiana Fenibo Braide, who knows the rules and takes control of unforseen situations. Anger management for me and those like me means studying our grandiose self concepts and recognizing the environmental role in eliciting anger in us and managing both aspects of the equation. It is not easy, but one must shrink ones swollen Ego and have patience when frustrated by others. No one can ever get to a point where he is no longer prone to anger. As long as we are human, one must experience frustrations at some point and must sometimes react with anger. In other words, anger is manageable but cannot be eliminated in our lives.
Dr. Fenibo Braide
Psychotherapist / Academic Consultant
ZION Institute, Baltimore, MD
01/14/10
Dr. Fenny Braide
IFSI Lead Clinician / Administrator
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
01/14/10
Children who have been deserted, neglected or abused feel more anger than most other children. This is because their fundamental human needs have been adequately met.
ReplyDeleteSolution: Accept the child's anger as legitimate. Reassure the child that he / she is worthwhile even when angry.
Children in relative care often feel that they are to blame for being taken away from their parents. They are angry at themselves, therefore, inconsistent discipline in previous or present environment may lead to anger, for exanple, rules and boundaries.
Please note: as children grow close to the people with whom they live in relative care, they may tranfer some of their angry feelings from their biological family to these people.
Solution: Be consistent with rules. Talk with the child about anger; what it is, what make him or her angry etc. Develop practical and safe methods for expressing anger feelings when the direct expression of anger is not advisable. Take time to understand child in your care.
Dr. Fenibo Braide
Psychotherapist